When we come into this life as vulnerable babies, we are completely dependent on others to provide the necessities of life. We are not aware of our choices and power to change anything; we simply know what we are conditioned to learn through early childhood. What happens during this period is the learning of our worth through what our experiences have taught us. Some of us come out of that stage with a strong sense of personal power to direct our own lives, and some of us don't. Those who end up suffering from negative conditioning and low self esteem find it difficult to change their circumstances because they hold a victim mentality. The first step in achieving a happy and purpose driven life is in letting go of that victim-hood and stepping into your own personal power that changes your reality.
The following points are tips on how to bring your mind out of a victim mindset and into your powerful self who is capable of creating far reaching changes in your life!
1. Live for yourself first
Society has taught us that living for ourselves is a selfish thing to do, when in actual fact it's the root of why we can't find happiness. Helping others has to come from a place of LOVE, not obligation. If you're helping others because you're scared of how people will judge you if you don't, then you're helping for the wrong reasons. Let go of the belief that you have to earn love by being a slave to others. Do what YOU want first and then you can give from that healthier standpoint.
2. Get out of the past
The past is nothing more than experience. It's great to occasionally reference and look back on with warm nostalgia, but anything else will only cause unnecessary stress. I love the saying "don't look back, you're not going that way", because it's true. Your inability to live in the present moment will deeply impact your future.Your power is in the NOW. How do you want to feel in this very moment, regardless or your past? If you're holding onto old hurts and wearing them as your identity, then you'll only continue to recreate the same stories from your past. Release what you've outgrown and look forward to new experiences.
3. Be grateful
This is a big one. You cannot live a life of abundance if you can't appreciate what you currently have. No matter how little you think you have, there is always someone else who has less. Your circumstance is dependent on your perspective and many people don't realize they have the power to shift their beliefs. It's the old "cup half full" mentality. You must be able to perceive the world around you as something great and beautiful in order to manifest more of what you WANT.
4. Use your imagination
The human mind is where the seed of creation begins and so many of us get stuck into routine thinking. Especially when you're in a state of depression, it can seem impossible to get out of that snowball effect but the best thing to do is play the "what if" game. What if you weren't depressed? How would that feel? Would you be smiling more? Would you be laughing with people you loved? Would you be enjoying life and finding beauty in everything around you? Start imagining what being happy would feel like, and see what that does to you. Caution: DO NOT find reasons to criticize your "what if's", after all you're only playing right?
5. Don't Fear Your Emotions
We live in a society that expects to be happy ALL of the time, but that simply isn't reality. Sometimes we're forced to face difficult things in life; job loss, death, huge life changes, and through these challenges are we supposed to slap on a smile and pretend nothing is wrong? Of course not! Emotions are meant to be FELT, but they're also meant to be transient. Don't be panicked because you feel sad for a while, be patient with yourself. The key is to not label yourself as any one emotion. If you're convinced you are depressed and that's just who you are, then you NEED to have an identity crisis. Don't let your emotions become your identity.
6. Love yourself
This one is cliche and obvious, but no one is going to love you into happiness but yourself. Simply saying positive affirmations in a mirror likely isn't going to help you if you don't BELIEVE those affirmations, so start seeking out what you like about yourself. If that's too difficult then think of what you'd tell yourself if you were your friend, parent or child feeling unloved? Would you reaffirm their insecurities? (I hope not). So why do you do it to yourself?
7. Let go of control
Control is a tricky thing. You think you have it and then -uh-oh- something happens in life to just prove how very little control you actually have. Things can turn on a dime, and if you're gripping your control with an iron fist, you're likely going to be dragged when it's time to let go. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. There is strength and power in it, I promise.
8. Stop blaming
You're unhappy because everyone just makes your life difficult. You're unhappy because you don't have enough time or resources to do what you want. The list can go on and as hard as it is for many people to hear, any reasons you think you have for not being happy are just excuses. No person, no amount of time or money will magically create your dreams FOR you. You have to start making active choices to change your life, and the first step is to start taking responsibility for your unhappiness, no matter what you've experienced. Anyone who has hurt you, that was THEIR action not yours. This life is your car, now YOU drive it!
9. Stop judging
Judgement is nothing more than us trying to evaluate ourselves through other people's behaviour; you're comparing other people to your own ideal of how things should be. While it's totally normal to observe and decipher what you like and don't like (it's how we come to define ourselves), judgement can become unhealthy when it's used as a vice to project our own insecurities onto others. Quite often this is done in a way of rejecting the traits in ourselves that we refuse to accept and then searching for those same qualities in others to pick apart. Always remember that when you point a figure at anyone, there are always three more pointing back at you, so check your judgments and why it makes you feel good to judge another. The answer to that question is where you find healing.
10. Be Brave
Fear is an emotion that exists to keep us safe. Most of us are aware of the "fight or flight" reaction that our bodies respond to stress with; you either fight back or run away. The problem with fear is that many people experience fear and anxiety when there's no immediate threat of danger. This kind of fear is created by overthinking. The only obstacle to overcome with this is your own thought process. What scenario are you creating in your mind that makes you feel this way? Remind yourself that whatever you are imagining (worst-case scenario) isn't real. Are you thinking about your boss's disapproval of you? Are you worrying about your spouse cheating on you? Are you imagining your failures that haven't even happened? Make a vow to yourself that you wont worry about things that aren't currently a part of your reality. If they are to happen, you'll deal with them when or if that time ever comes, but not right now. Act on inspiration and when those emotions of fear creep in, remind yourself that you're safe and free to create the life you want. Forge ahead without fear!